U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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