I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
