just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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