the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
this is an emotional support booty call
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