maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this boner is exhausting
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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