He passed out mid-signature
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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