You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
