we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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