I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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