i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
