I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize