just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
