Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
