i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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