just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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