it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
