Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize