Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize