Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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