who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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