If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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