drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
