I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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