physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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