Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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