There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize