I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
