Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
