Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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