yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
