Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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