Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is there bacon in the couch?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
