I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
