the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
