Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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