absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
