I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
