people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
