ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
