I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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