if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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