sarcasm needs its own font
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
