We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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