just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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