JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
