i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
