i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
