What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize