Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
