well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
