I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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