it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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