I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
