Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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