ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
