I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
