I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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