Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
