I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
