You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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