Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
