it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize