Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
