People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
