neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
