Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He shit in the fireplace
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
