I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
