How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
