when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
