I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
