She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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