I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
