Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
