there's paper in my vomit.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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