Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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