I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
