what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
