All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Everyone says I win the strip club
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
