whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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