sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
