If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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