If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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