She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
