how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize