this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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