I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
