He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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