All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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