Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
